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Well it’s over, my life as I know it anyway.This summer was my last fatal attempt at
being cool before going to school. I think I succeeded….
At the end of May I took a trip to Virginia Beach with a few
friends. We hit all the good spots, bojangles, a wing place the liquor store….
I went out one night and decided I want to dance. We searched all over the
freaking place and were finally pointed in the direction of a club. What we
weren’t told it was an 18 and over club. This didn’t affect my wanting to
dance, even if we were the only ones dancing. Of course by the time the cupid
shuffle came on I had an actually dance injury, my knee cap literally moved to
the side of my leg…yeah maybe you aren’t 18 anymore asshole.
A week passed and I soon found myself bathing in the warm
carribbean sun! Cancun has all you could possibly want and a lot of what you
don’t. It’s full of horny 18 year olds and their cougar mothers… There airport
also comes complete with a walmart in construction…of you you’ve got to love
the Good Ol’ USA.No worries I didn’t
really leave the hotel and by that I mean I didn’t really leave the bar. With the
help of my evil cohort CoCo we made sure we caused them to have a loss on their
all inclusive deal! We also made friends with the bartenders who we got to
serve us shots even though they weren’t supposed to…yeah we were wild.
I flew back to Michigan and brought my vehicle back to they
city. Changed my residency and everything…goodness I’m growing up.After that I took two weeks and went to
different trainings for work….that’s right folks I am now an expert on not
working the whole month of June. I went to a training close to Tracella Deville
and she lead me to a little bar that is not known to the rest of the world, I
would right more…but I’d have to kill you.
July 4th came and I went back to Michigan for 5
days, spending time with the family and making sure to get as much sun and
swimming time in a possible. After my return I made sure that every weekend
since last I was either at a beach or a water park….and let’s not get started
on the state of my liver at this point…
So here I am the night before my first day of L School and
despite being a little apprehensive I have to say I am ready, and you know
what..maybe my life won’t really changed that drastically when it comes down to
it…but I did have one hell of a summer.
The long epic that is the story of what I did this summer will have to be written at another time, instead I shall focus on my weekends spent with the cool kids.
August is sometimes considered the end of the summer, when many flee to the shore hoping for the last few rays of the summer sun to bronze, or in most cases, burn their skin. It's the time of the year when people start to settle down and start saving for the holiday seasons ahead, but for one group of people it's not anything to do with that, these people we refer to as the Cool Kids.... and no, you can't be a member.
August 2nd brought the arrival of what should be a yearly migration of the Cool Kids to LBI. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond their control some of the CK's were left behind to fend for themselves, the thought of being alone at a beer pong table should frighten anyone. These people (to protect their identity we shall call them) Whitley, Kurt and Alexandra were dearly missed but we hope in some small way they were participating with us.
9:20 a.m. The Earth destroy landmonster arrives to pick up "Bert", "Ashley" and "Mitch" Bert always full of stories begins to tell us about his new job search and starts describing his new boss. Much like a boss he once had with hair a color not found in nature who was fond of pleather and blue eye shadowed. Although we pray he find a new job we did find some joy in knowing that he seems to have an ability to attract these types of people. Bert continued to tell us about his job, and his almost somewhat serious (but not really) girlfriend that he is on a break with. At this point in the trip "Ashley" had finished her dunkin donunts and was drinking her mourning beverage from her flask. (nothing like SoCo and lime to get you going).
10:00 a.m. Land destroyer stops, we pick up the bare necessities (patron, vodka, and ice)
10:15 am Bert begins text his girlfriend that he is on a break with to arrange a meeting for later in the night. Ashley offers me (the driver) her morning beverage... I said no.
11:30a.m. We arrive at Holyoke headquarters only to find that no one is there! In an attempt to jump start the aging process with her 1 and1/2 year old "Samson" "Latoya" and her husband "Max" had taken the baby to the beach. What they didn't realize is that the sun only causes aging of the skin and won't allow the child to grow up so that they can leave him unattended by 5pm later that day...
"Jennifer" finally arrived to meet up with us and soon called Latoya and the others to join us for lunch. As we were dehydrated from our trip Ashley, Burt and I all decided to consume some rum and pepsi...ahhhh how refreshing. "Rachel" and little "Nick" arrived as well, although she had promised that she would have liquor in her trunk I am not sure if she ever produced it.
Bert at this time had to be told that although both looked small, babies can be different ages, which explained why Samson said things like, 'bbbba ba babkoaidfioadsj" and Little Nick said this like "May I have another piece of turkey please". and 'Can you add a hint of lime to this pepsi madam"
12:30 Time to hit the beach! We slathered on sunscreen (Except for Samson, he and Max decided to stay inside after hearing of potential DHS workers on the beach looking for people who were putting vodka in babies bottles...)
In an attempt to keep hydrated I was able to make a makeshift cooler out of a chair holder so that we would not been seen with beer bottles on the street. I am proud to admit it was a success and we were all passed out within 30 minutes only to wake up 30 minutes later needing to use the closest bathroom facilities....luckily the world's largest toilet was only a few feet away.
Little Nick seemed to enjoy the beach, except for the sand on his body which he would point out to his mother and ask her to remove. He also started a fun game of taking the water we provided for him in the buckets and throwing it as his mom.
6pm The grill started and the drinking began.....again 7pm Samson went to bed 7:01pm Latoya started doing multiple shots
7:02pm to Midnight
Although older, the cool kids were able to hold it down. We started by playing flip cup on a round table that didn't have an edge, that's right we are pro's...Little Nick even got involved cheering for the winning teams..we were all so proud of him..... After multiple games we settled down listened to some music and began speaking to Jennifer's new dog "ClAArrrrissssa" in Spanish. ClAArrrrisssa seems to understand Spanish much better that English or at least that's how we felt after multiple beers.
Prom pictures were also taken and there was a wet t-shirt contest as well (of course, I was the only participant). As the party started to wind down Latoya began a one person dance party that went absolutely no where. Especially after little nick was told not to copy any of my dance moves...how rude... ( in the meantime the others were still getting intoxicated).
Someone stopped by with lakers tickets and a couple of people road bikes.
Eventually a call for help was made by Jennifer's parents who were down the street wanting to play beer pong. Some of the cool kids stayed behind with Samson. While the others went to see what they could do. All I can say about this event was it was perhaps the most miserable experience of my life. Try playing flip cup with intoxicated senior citizens half of whom may have the early beginnings of Alzheimers and the rest who just enjoy cheating and you will get the picture. I was so upset and frustrated by this event that I immediately chugged a beer and the cool kids returned to Hotel Holyoke.
The rest of the night went as follows there was a run way show where blue steel was seen several times, More drinks were drank and more were spilled. Jennifer's parents arrived and I had a lengthy discussion as to the status of bratwurst in our country with her father. Latoya forgot to pack her soapbox so when Jennifer's father and she began to discuss the 2nd amendment Latoya decided to simply go to bed and fight another day. When her father began to discuss the legalization of drugs some more of us decided to go to bed and other's listened intently.
The next day the cool kids that decided to stay and weather the night all woke early, some were back in the homes by noon, but some of us stayed behind.
Ashley, Jennifer, Mitch and I all went out with Jennifer's father on his boat. We were attacked by flies and bees, and could not get away from the smell of dead fish. While on the boat Ashley caught crabs, luckily Jennifer's father was able to get it off of hers and quarantined it. Jennifer also caught crabs as did I. Jennifer actually caught the same crab that I had. It was also already multiplying so it was rather disgusting to see Jennifer with that crab and all the others. Surprisingly Mitch was the only person not to catch crabs...go figure.
The rest of the cool kids have just returned home after a late breakfast a quick ride back. We can't wait until next year to return for our annual pilgrimage to LBI.
With my new favorite airline now going bankrupt, I have decided that it will simply to costly to visit my friends in NC and of course visit my favorite place to eat (Bojangles). The only solution I can think of at the moment is to buy into the franchise and open my own Bojangles here... .As for my friends...well I'll work on that one.
I can't begin to tell anyone how excited I am about this next step in my life. I moved out here 5 years ago, and with the help of a very caring and gracious friend, had a cheap and comfortable place to stay. Although my original intentions were to work for a year, apply to school and be done with this place, life took a rather unusual course. The first 3 years I met a lot of good people, but hated where I was. That eventually came to a complete stop as I no longer had to worry about where I was working. My life at that point was an empty slate, and prospects seemed pretty thin. Then a few months into the debacle I landed a great job, once again with the help of two great friends, one who got my foot in the door, and the other who provided an outstanding reference. Two years since the reality check my life is completely full, and I feel so very blessed. God helped get me through some of the worst times I have experienced in this short life. My future seems very bright at this point, and I owe it all too him and my learning to understand that I can't be in complete control. I was accepted to school this week so it's almost like I have come full circle. I can't imagine though how empty my life would be now if I wouldn't have had the experiences and met all the great people I now call friends. Through this I have learned that everything happens for a reason, friends who support you no matter what are priceless, that better days are always on the horizon and that vodka will always be my favorite drink.
